A favorite quote of mine from a popular cohousing book wisely states, “Select members for emotional maturity.” One can hear the voice of experience in this sound advice! Whatever the commonalities in our ideals, intentions, and aspirations; however clever, fair and enlightened we make our systems of governance; despite our solid financial planning and prosperity; the harmony of human relations, and thus the relative success of a community, will depend primarily on the character of its individual members. And here’s the rub: for pretty much all of us on this planet, character is very much a ‘work in progress’.
Addressing this self-development, our own inner work, is a task most of us are happy to avoid: it takes so much less effort to simply project our shortcomings onto the circumstances that surround us! A more mature approach is for each of us to apply ourselves diligently to our own continuous physical, mental and spiritual improvement. We call this sadhana or spiritual practice; taking responsibility for the awakening of our own potential.
When individuals are oriented in this way, human dynamics change dramatically. Once we have fully surveyed the scope of our inner work, and directly experienced the high degree of difficulty in effecting even small changes in our own hearts and minds(!), our compassion for others grows by leaps and bounds. Invested in our inner lives, the ongoing roller coaster of external conditions cannot so easily pull us into poor behaviors. Eventually, we become trustworthy, and an ongoing source of connection and strength for our communities.
In our Polestar Hawaii community, which was a very ‘close quarters’ arrangement (shared kitchen and bathrooms), we would often say that it takes twice as much energy to live in an intentional community than to live alone. And this is the Great Opportunity. The Art of living in community is to wholeheartedly embrace the challenges, blessings, and absurdities of life, for yourself and others, as a priceless opportunity to grow.
